Valentine’s Day Defunct Playlist
It’s coming up on that time of the year when Roman love gods make women expect chocolates and flowers from their perspective mates. Single folks get cynical and drink their feelings, and the Rocker Tycoon deems it time to make another list! So here it is. The Rocker Tycoon’s Top Ten List of Love Songs. (Don’t Worry I’ll be Posting a Top Ten List of Break up songs later on as well.) So, here’s to love, or liking someone or tolerating a person long enough to have some music to remember them by. This is my list so the first thing I’m gonna say it that it’s not the definitive list of the best love songs that ever were. These are the songs that I like the best when it comes to all this Valentine’s day shenanigans. I’m sure if you want the former there’s a television offer out there for you right now. I’m gonna give you my interpretation as to what I think these songs mean. This is what love is about, I think.
This is the original Love ballad from the Karate Kid soundtrack. If there is a movie that has been masked for guys my age as an action flick while actually tricking us into watching a love story it’s Karate Kid. I don’t know one guy that didn’t want to date Elizabeth Shue after they saw this movie. This song is all about being young and stupid and rebounding from heartbreak. “Young Hearts beat fast… Young hearts die young and there’s no turning back.” This song is really about heartbreak but it’s tied forever in my mind with Ralph Machio finally going on a date with Elizabeth Shue, so it makes the Valentine’s Day list as a warm up song.
So Love and Hate took a break from their relationship. Love is just getting back from a plane trip. Hate is drinking himself to death and driving drunk around town. It all comes to a simmer at the end when he shows up at home and Love is sitting up late waiting to see Hate after her trip, he’s wasted and he apologizes and she apologizes for leaving and the song just ends. It’s a pretty clever way to talk about the duality of Emotion. Plus we all know a guy like Hate… he’s fun at parties.
So have you ever dated a girl from a rival family? Her brother hates you and her little sister is kind of a tattle tale. She tells her brother you’re dating their sister. Her dad locks her up in the house and you sneak her out only to face her brother catches you and shots you as your girlfriend takes the bullet and falls dead in you arms? No Well let me tell you man, you don’t know jack about love. Oh did I mention you swear to set the city on fire too? This song is one of my favorite epics love songs.
Here is a premise, you get buried alive and then you come back to your shitty girlfriend. Why, Because you miss her, you fool. You’re not comfortable with it but who gives a crap cuz you’re dead. It’s not like you’re meeting a ton of girls in the afterlife. And Believe me the dead ones have way more issues than the living ones. “It’s the end of a broken heart.”
Have you ever had Casey Casum dedicate a song to you on his top 40 show about how your boyfriend wants you back? I’m not sure why it’s important to hide your love maybe so as not to freak out the other person by dropping the L word like a 14 year old girl with her first boyfriend. Either way it’s a classy song and who wouldn’t like to have someone tell the DJ you play one more For my Radio Sweetheart?
It’s simple and classic, you have a favorite pair of jeans, you have a bunch of white t-shirts. You love singing your favorite bands songs. You aren’t sure what love is, but if you did it would include these things. Little Silver Heart – Lucero Ever fall in love on accident? You try not to but you realize that you’re too lazy to fight it. You get the girl a silver heart for Valentine’s day. Eventually, you break up and you see her but she doesn’t wear the trinket you bought her. Wow Y’know if you didn’t listen to this song you’d think it was much more up beat than that.
So you’re on tour in some town. You meet the groupie of your dreams. Man, this is the kind of girl you’ve been looking to meet since you’ve been trying to meet girls. She’s cute likes the same music you do, and she’s really cute. But you’re leaving tomorrow for the next tour date. What do you do. Ask her to move to your home town. But what if that doesn’t work? Change all the street signs so she ends up there on accident. WAIT WHAT? You live in Michigan or Montana or somewhere and she’s in Jersey. That’s a pretty dumb chick to drive for like 15 hours and be like but the street signs say this is the way home. Maybe it’s not the most realistic solution but it gets points for this line. “If you got short hair and you bleach it too You gotta know I’m gonna have a crush on you. I’m a sucker for a short haired girl with a pretty smile, she’s got to have ideas, yea and she’s got to have style.” It’s a shared sentiment.
So you’re ex works at the bar that your band plays at every week. It’s one of those trendy spots where everyone dresses to kill. You sort of hate the crowd but the gig pays well and you still kind like your ex. So you figure hell, I’ll write a song that’ll make her think I’m way too cool to not date. This song is the Anti-thesis in my mind to Dolly Parton’s Jolene. This is like years later the dude chooses the other girl and Dolly’s moved on to bigger and better things the other chick wasn’t into you she just wanted to piss off Dolly. And here you are being that guy at your ex gf’s bar. Shame on you.
One day it hits you like a ton of bricks on the subway…. In London. You have the perfect idea for the next chick flick. You just need your Last girlfriend to agreed to take the lead part. Oh sure you’ll be playing the role of the love interest. You tell her it’s for a class project. This was all done just so you could kiss her in a way that a film noir actor would have. Then you go off an a fucking tangent, and weird the entire crew right out. You explain to her that she’s been lying to herself about how happy she is without you.
You think you’re in love? You think you understand sacrifice and loss. Question: Have you ever dug up you ex girlfriend because you wanted to prove that she didn’t shoot herself. “Let’s play Doctor, babe. We’ll operate today, Incisions must be made you could help solve this case.” Creepy YES, dedicated YES. He figures out that it was foul play but to what end great so you’re girlfriend didn’t kill herself excellent find dude. WHO DID IT? Smooth move Sherlock, and now you have your ex’s guts all over your kitchen table.
Definitely, the most epic of all the love songs on the list. I love a good story, but add to the fact that it’s about evading the Nazis during WWII with your Girlfriend. “I won’t let them take you, hell no no!” That’s fucking romance if you ask me. It’s down right Indiana Jones.
Damn, these were the Love songs I picked huh. I guess that says something about my morbid sense of love. There’s a kidnapping fantasy, a few possible necrophilia songs, there’s one where we evade the Nazis, some anthropomorphizing of abstract concepts, the avenging of a love and a bunch of situations with your ex girlfriend. Love is a motherfucker I guess. Which leaves me to say, I can only imagine what my anti Valentines day songs are gonna be!